Today I have been signed off from counselling. I have been going to see my wonderful counsellor for sixteen months. On my first session I was a mess, I sat on the floor in the hall of my house crying while a friend persuaded me to get up, to put on my coat and get in the car. It was the hardest journey of my life. I sat in front of the counsellor, curled up on myself and tensed up to the extent that I had a headache.
It was around that time that another good friend sent me an email of Psalm 13. At the time reading was hard work because my eyes would swim, so the bible was hard. I didn't know what to pray for, and church made me cry. But this spoke to me:
1 How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
Through the fog of darkness in my mind I knew that God understood how I felt. Someone in the bible had felt the same way once and so all I had to do was keep going and trust in Him if I could.
Singing the Lord's praise can look very different depending on where you are at. For me at that point, singing God's praise meant getting up in the morning. Getting dressed, getting out of the house. It meant eating and drinking, it meant making it through the next week until I saw my counsellor again. That was all I could do, and the choice to do that at all was, I think, worshipful.
We can't always do a lot - physically, mentally, financially we are limited. I think that what matters is that we do the most, the best that we can in praise of God.
Amen.
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